I don’t know if I ever loved my “husband”. Because I was re-reading over my blog entries from around the time right before the fake marriage and after and it seems like I was always searching for me, and couldn’t really find me because I was too involved with thinking about being with him???? But once we got married and moved in, I kept trying to figure out my path. He had known his and was waiting for me, but now that I am figuring that I don’t see him in it, what will this be??? I don’t know this is a trip and the fact that the marriage is null/void is making the whole issue crazier. I am going to talk to him about staying for my sister as I pray for clarity here.
Married women out there:
Have you ever wondered why did you get married along the way? It seems that my dh and I have had a routine life throughout our short-lived marriage, and I don’t know if I am in it anymore. I am not trying to just get out, but I don’t know how to live and love for him without ever having one day where I can truly appreciate who he is as a man and to take care of him. That’s what I am supposed to be doing for him, and yet my eyes have wondered and is getting thoughts of taking care of another man. What is going on with me? I don’t know. Some of the closest people of who I told this to want to know why, the other guy wants to know what is wrong with my marriage. Things cannot be cool in a marriage if you are seeking someone else out, right?
I’ve been so busy with school Monday through Thursday evenings, working out, church, babysitting my nephew and niece every Friday night and Saturday, my son starting Basketball season…whew, can I get a break??? It kinds of put me at ease of TTC because I am so tired that we actually are missing our fertile days, but this is my fertile week coming up so I will try my best to be careful. I am finally starting to lose some weight. It would be great if I can get to a healthy BMI by the time I do get pregnant!
I checked my blog stats and noticed that most people visiting my blog are trying to conceive a girl. I mean you guys stop by everyday! Well I still would like a girl as well, but I am not going through all of that extra stuff to do it. I believe that God is in control and that He ultimately has knew whatever child that we will be responsible for before He has placed them in the womb. This can be found somewhere in the book of Isaiah, I believe.
Well, I don’t know if I am going to church today. I have laundry to do and I have a lot of homework to catch up on. I hope to be blogging again soon about something!
I am about to show you all some of the real part of me and the reason that I can do this is because I am keeping my blog anonymous. I don’t know what could happen if I kept it all in. It is troubling to me because my dh and I are currently fasting with our church and this may be the enemy trying to start things, but one thing I know is that the Lord always make a way of escape. So here goes.
The nerve of this man! First day back at work this past fall, I see this beautiful, no I take that back handsome, fine and exotic basketball player type chocolate brother walking with straight posture around the campus. When I saw him, I could not believe how delicious he looked. I had to keep telling myself to stop staring. But then I stopped seeing him around as much. I thought that he might be the new basketball coach or something. Until one day he showed up in the class that I was working in. He didn’t say much so I didn’t see him as much of a threat. I figured he was just quiet. Well fast forward to this week back after the winter break and dude starts talking to me. Now mind you we started this fast on Sunday, so I’m not even thinking at the time that the devil is in this. I try not to talk much to him because 1. I’m married, happily. 2. He never had much to say before, what started this? 3. I’m afraid that I will fall and have sex with him.
I can’t get this man out of my mind. It’s not like I am constantly thinking about him, but I am thinking about him more than I should. I have no clue as to what’s his personality. But it scares me that I want to find out more. This is not the first time this has happened to me in my marriage. At the beginning I had fantasies about my ex-boyfriend from when I was in high-school and a young adult, he added me as a friend on Myspace and I could not get my mind off of him. I prayed over it a lot that I would not think about him. I sent him a note here and there, and some of them downright admitting my feelings toward him, but thank God he didn’t respond to that one. I quickly apologized for sending the message to him, and he told me that it was okay because when you have known someone for so long, it is natural to have those kind of feelings. So I was finally over him. Then around 2007 I would take my child to get his hair cut at the college. A guy was there and he looked so good, but I thought of him as a player type when meeting him, he was tall like a basketball player too. He asked me one day about my dh and that’s when I was like, oh no I need to hook him up with someone or else I might get into a situation that I should not be in. I tried to hook my sister up with him. I don’t know if she is going for him or not, but I was trying to run away and so now I don’t have those occasions anymore and am able to allow my son to get his haircut without any arousal coming into me.
Then I had been going to the gym, and I tried to express in a way to my sister that my dh was not appealing to me because I am seeing these hard bodies there, and it was hard to BD with him because of it. But I realized after my miscarriage that truly the reason why may have partly been because of sexual appeal, but the other reason was the hormones I was taking with those birth control pills, they took all of my desire to make love away.
Now I am here, pleading with God to help me through this situation, because this man that works at my job that I see around 11:30am is too fine. I am hoping that this other student shows up today so that I won’t see him. I can’t talk to dude. He looks to freaking good. I had a small emotional thing going on with another co-worker a few months ago but not because he was fine, it was because we had so much in common and then I began looking forward to talking to him whenever that class started. I knew it was God arranging it for me not to be around him when I was taken out of that class due to the student’s challenges there. It was God trying to show me what was happening and I was not even paying attention to it. But now, I am fully aware of this situation and I am so scared because I have no one to hook this dude up with. Here are some of the suggestions that I found online for Christian women suffering with this type of thing and how they overcame it.
Yes, we will start our fast this upcoming Sunday. Our church is fasting and this is miracle week. The funny part about it is that I am on the last cycle of waiting to try after miscarriage and next week I should be ovulating, so I will not have to worry about my foam contraception. But I thought about it and realized that I bought entirely too much because we don’t use it after I have my temperature rise. Will I continue to use it so that I do not waste money??? And if that is so, when will it run out?
This fast will be good for me because I haven’t fasted since 2006, I believe. I know shame on me, but this is probably how my life has gotten to be the way that it is now. I have forgotten the most spiritual things because I am always after my flesh. It got really bad last year too, because I was at a point that I was no longer willing to do in order to be. I am so glad and grateful that God brought me out of that place though.
As far as the weight loss goes, I didn’t lose any weight last week. My weigh-ins are on Sunday so maybe I’ll have an update later in a couple of weeks. I am going to fast from reading blogs and writing them too. Although I may keep a journal while fasting. We are all to fast from watching TV and movies, but I am not that into TV like that so, I will let go some of my internet activities.
| I took the 43 Things Personality Quiz and found out I’m a
Healthy Spiritual Self-Knower
  |
That pretty much sums me up.
TMI Warning: This post may contain too much information.
I started my period this past Sunday. I was not expecting it to come so fast. I forgot to take my BBT temperature on Saturday morning, and when I took it Sunday morning, it dropped substantially. And so later that morning my dear Aunt Flow showed up. Monday I woke up with a terrible case of dysmenorrhea, so bad that I was unable to do my abdominal exercises. I took 800 mg of Ibuprofen. You may wonder what I needed so much strength of it for and where I got it from. Well to tell you the truth I never took all my pain medication from the miscarriage. I tried to deal with the pain and I used a heating pad. But I did take them when the felt like these cramps or worse. Anyway sometimes I am okay with being on a new cycle because I know that my body is healing correctly, but there are other times like last night when I am told of a new pregnancy when I am not happy about the cycle. I still have 22 days before ttc again. A couple that my husband and I are friends with are pregnant with their 2nd child. We met before they did. We got engaged before they did. We got married before they did. But as soon as they were hitched they were pregnant, and now they are pregnant again. I really dislike when I get envious over this.
The night before last I was thinking about this with another couple we know. They had a baby last December and when I saw them pregnant, I wanted to be pregnant, but my dh did not want to have a baby in the old apartment we were living in. I could understand because the apartment had mold and was not kept up at all, bad plumbing and everything. We had a slumlord. Well when we moved, I asked was it okay to start. I stopped the pill at the beginning of April 2008. Not because I had the go ahead from my dear hubby, but because one of my friends was rushed to the hospital after fainting. She had lost a lot of blood from internal bleeding. She did not know this was going on, but found out from the doctors that it was because of the Depo-Provera hormonal shot that she was taking. This sent a message to me because she almost died, so I did away with the pill because they list the same type of warnings on their packaging. I got pregnant the July after that, it was my first month of charting. But I probably should have waited to ttc because I think my body was still adjusting from those hormones and it may be the reason why we lost the baby. Anyway I don’t know what is to come, but the crazy part about my start date of ttc is that my due date will be near the due date I had for my first son. My son was born 3 days before my birthday and it was my 38th week of pregnancy. I just would not want for the next child to end up being born on my birthday or something because my son gets extra jealous sometimes.
The thing about this cycle that is bothering me the most is that (TMI) this morning after my shower I put in a tampon and about 30 minutes later I needed to put in a new one. What in the world????? I have never bled that heavy that fast. Another thing was that this last menstrual cycle was very strange, I had an 11-day luteal phase when the month before I had a 14-day luteal phase and when coming off my miscarriage I had a 12-day luteal phase. I have no record of what my LP was like before I was pregnant because the first time I kept track of BBT and charting I got pregnant. I am trying my best to be patient in the whole ordeal. My husband and I are planning a move real soon for our family to the East Coast and I would like to be pregnant before that, but at the same time, I want to be able to finish school and I want to start working from home. My goal for this year is to find a stable enough work-at-home job that I can make enough money in so that we can save our money and move and still have this baby before we go. I guess the reason why I want to have it before we go is so that my family can see the baby before we leave.
All in all, I believe that in this new year that I don’t have to think negatively and that achieving a full-term pregnancy is possible. I believe that God is watching over us and He knows the destiny and purpose of each individual that He creates so I am having faith that His will be done.
I think about every year in my life before this one, I have lived my New Year’s for what someone else wanted to do or what was happening. I can’t deny today that I am very tired. But I did do what I wanted to do today. I went to the movies at 10:30 in the morning to see Seven Pounds. This movie moved me so much and I don’t think I have ever cried before in this way. I don’t think I have ever felt this type of emotion. I don’t want to leave any spoilers but I do have to say that the movie got me thinking about my life and how I have been going through this selfish phase and that it is no time for me to come out of it. How do you become selfless? I am not so sure, but I do have some ideas.
It starts with truly putting God first and what He has created you to be. I know that I am His vessel and I think that the more that I think about it, the more I feel shame and guilt because I don’t live my life as such. I am so wrapped up into self. But today I made some goals for my life. They are personal and I have them written down in my planner. I may go ahead and make a document on the computer, but I do not want to share them with the online world. I guess I feel this way because its sort of like when people make New Year’s Resolutions they pick something like…stop smoking cigarettes, or going on a diet, or being nice to people, etc. And then they fall off track of what they said by March and sometimes their worse off. My plans are to make these goals a way of life and to implement them into my character to change. Change is coming to America and I am not going to be left out by staying the same.
By the way, I caught the bus today to go to the movies, I haven’t been on the bus in a long time so I forget how some of the people act on there, but it was a lady on the bus who started yelling at these teenage girls talking about how she is against abortion and then the girls look at each other like ‘what is she talking about’ and then I look over the should of the passenger in front of me and then the lady started saying F*** this and F*** you, F*** you, F*** you to all the passengers in the front. Then she started talking about how she voted for McCain/Palin. That’s when I just decided to ignore the woman. But she started saying that she never did like Obama and this and that, then she got off at the next stop. It was so weird. I know she probably was not in her right mind, but its sad to see that. One of the women at the front of the bus said she was racist because when she was saying F*** you and pointing, she had pointed to all minorities. But I don’t think its the case. It may be a case of ignorance and at the same time they forgot to give the lady her meds??? I’m thinking she has been diagnosed with something and forgot her meds. Yes, I believe that’s what it was.
My dh irritates me with his laziness. I have to honestly believe that the real reason he has not been to church in all these months is because of football. I didn’t go to church this morning because there’s not enough gas. My sister invites me to her son’s party, my nephew. She says that she will pay gas money for us to come out. I let her know that my son is with his cousin on his dad’s side today and he will be there a little longer because he doesn’t get to see that side of the family. I ask her if it was okay if just my dh and I show up and she says okay. It’s close to the time that the party is supposed to start right now and my dh told me its okay I can go by myself. He is stuck in front of that television set watching football. I don’t like this about him and he is irritating me even more than ever!
Yay! I went to the gym this morning and got on the scale before I started my workout and saw that I lost my pity weight! I now have 29 lbs to go! I am so excited about this and I think that my new way of eating is working. I just need to lay off of the chocolate!
Although we will be ttc soon, I still want to lose weight. I had gained about eight pounds while I was pregnant, and after the miscarriage I gained about six more pounds. I have one more pound to go to lose all the pity weight, and then I have to lose the pregnancy weight, and then get back on schedule to losing what my goal was in April this year. I would have never thought. Why does it have to be this way. I absolutely love food! It tastes so delicious and I try to tell myself, “No Carbs”, but they call out my name! Seriously, ya’ll!
Okay maybe not. But I do love food. I love the way some foods taste so good. I can go without those that do not taste good. To me, there’s nothing wrong with being in the gym. I love the gym. The only thing is, I have a hard time getting there and when there not feeling guilty about how much time I am spending there. It is hard to have a family and when you go to they gym you feel like you are neglecting the household. I tried going at 5am, but that just does not work. If I still had the same schedule I had in 2006, I would be able to do the gym at around 7am every morning, but this is the time that I leave to get to work on time. It is such a dilemma for me.
I tried last night doing a few push-ups and crunches in the house, but I don’t work out with the same intensity at home as I do when I am at the gym. I need to go tonight, but it is so cold outside. I have too many excuses, I need to just go.
It was about over 10 years ago, I would say about the year 1995, and I went by a close friend’s house. I had some homework to finish up and didn’t have the resources I needed at home, so I visited my friend, Dee. He was interacting with you and introduced me to you and I said hello, and he asked why don’t I try a little conversation with you.
“But how do I do that?” I asked.
“Simple,” he said.
“First, you just type something in right here and click enter,” Dee told me.
So I tried it. Amazing! This is so cool, I thought.
“So, you are telling me that I get to chat with other people in the world by being on a computer! How amazing!” I exclaimed.
Ever since that day, we have become inseparable! Well there were times when we were separated. Since I did not own a computer with internet access in the 90′s, I had to rely on Dee’s computer or computer labs. In the summer of 1996 after my high school graduation, I had another encounter with him. The Assistants took us on a tour of the college that I would be attending and where I would be spending my summer before freshman year. They told us that we could go by the library or the OAC (a 24-hr computer lab) to do our homework, but what was even better I thought, was that “HE” was there. Yes, He was there. This was the most unimaginable thing that I have ever heard of and I wondered where he had been all my life, and finally I get to lay hold of him and make him mine. You see I came to know him as the Internet, but even more better the World Wide Web!
His name, WWW. With WWW I could be who I always aspired to be. He would not laugh at me, he thought that I was quite interesting. He wasn’t like all the other guys that I ran into in my life. He spent time with me and comforted me and made me feel like I was at home. I think I was searching for him since I could remember. I was so interested in getting to know him better but then he interfered with my studies. He helped me sometimes with my school work but I found that chatting was fun. I found that wbs (I believe that was the first social network) was one that I couldn’t stay off of. I loved it. And then I was introduced to one of his good friends, the scanner! I was so excited about this because I could now put pictures on the computer and then do interesting things with them. I loved the manipulation of it all.
I had always been a lover of mathematics, and my major was in engineering. I sacrificed those loves once I found out that I was pregnant with my son. I am now realizing again that I should have finished that. Either in Statistics, by becoming a research assistant, I love to research, I love using the WWW! Or maybe in Computer Science because I liked writing the programs that I wrote in C. My classmates made a big deal about programming languages back then and I think I let their fear slide into my life and when I became a mom, I allowed the fear to stop me from being who I truly am. I love computers, I love the World Wide Web, I love Math, I love to research, I am a fan of statistics! I know many of you may think I am crazy but I cannot deny my feelings any longer.
I found the following info about trying to conceive a girl on a site called ingender.
Well I don’t know if I want to go this much into detail about trying to conceive a girl, because it’s really up to God what we have next, but I am thinking about the section that says helps to prevent miscarriage.
The only thing that is 100% is PGD but we feel swaying can change the odds into our favor. Here you will find a lot of the information that is key for a good swaying attempt. It is up to you to find the right ‘recipe’ or ‘path’ that will be your attempt for a girl. There are many things you can do to sway the odds and here is the information that we hope will be helpful to you. The basic idea is that x sperm love a low pH from 4-4.5. When exposed to this pH
they will thrive. Also x sperm love calcium. Sperm count is lowest when abstained doesn’t occur or if it is longer than 7 days (low sperm count favors x sperm.) Finally, although timing isn’t a proved theory, it is best to time bd 3 days from O if possible or 12 hours after O because this is when cm pH is the lowest. Ok here is the rest of the info:
“GIRL DIET”
Lots of calcium (milk, yogurt, etc.)
Low salt intake
No caffeine
For the GIRL diet the ranges are:
(salt) Na++ 700-1000 mg
(Potassium) K+ 2,500-3,500 mg
(calcium) Ca 1,200-1,800 mg
(Magnesium) Mg 200-300 mg
Girl cook book:
http://www.in-gender.com/cs/forums/t/49300.aspx
Girl diet tier:
Tier One
(Girl diet, acidifying diet, mineral diet and estrogen diet)
Read your labels. And watch your sodium and potassium in foods!
yogurt- Greek style or organic only (read labels and look for yogurts containing NO potassium)
Kefir
Milk- Organic only- read labels and choose organic milk without potassium
tahini (sesame seed paste)- look for low salt
Strawberries and Raspberries (look for frozen, unsweetened or canned in syrup although fresh will do)
Tier Two
(Girl diet & Mineral Diet)
Parmesan cheese
Propel fitness water with calcium
eggs
cottage cheese- read labels for sodium
low salt bread
pasta- look for calcium fortified pasta
fish (poached in 500 ml of water to reduce sodium)
leeks
green beans
cucumbers
low sodium mayonnaise
Tier Three
(Girl diet and Acidifying diet)
Cranberries- dried or raw
white rice
corn cereal or puffed rice
lamb- loin or chop
chicken- breast
(up to 130g of meat per day- no red meat= testosterone)
Tier Four
(Diets in order of importance)
The Mineral Diet http://www.healthyeatingclub.com/info/books-phds/books/foodfacts/html/data/data5c.html
http://www.vaughns-1-pagers.com/food/magnesium-foods.htm
The Acidifying Diet
http://alkaline-alkaline.com/ph_food_chart.html
The Progestrone Diet
http://infertility.health-info.org/fertility-diet-lifestyle/diet-estrogen-progesterone.html
Drinks:
Drink suggestions: Milk, Cranberry, Diet Cool-aid, and Cranberry Juice.
Aspartame
One of the fastest ways to lower pH that has been discovered is with fake sugars. The best lowest acidic one is Aspartame. It does have some side effects. Some people are allergic to it so they can’t drink it. Others it may cause a headache.. this means to cut back. You can find Aspartame at Walmart in there cool aid or in crystal light. You should try to drink 66-100 oz every day.
Most of your Cranberry will be taken in pill form. However you can drink the juice as well. You can only drink either pure cranberry juice or it mixed with some other berry.
When to have sex:
O + 12
This has better success than cut off. Abstain from sex for 7 days or more, and then have sex 12 or so hours after you ovulate. Obviously, you have to pinpoint your ovulation exactly for this: http://www.in-gender.com/cs/forums/t/37676.aspx
Shettles Method
Have sex least 2-3 days before Ovulating. Then keep your pH low till O.
Most important info!!!
Weather you choose o+12 or shettles you need to do this! Hour before your attempt check your cm pH. It needs to be 4-4.5. If not then either douche or use rephresh or replens to lower pH. If you are not doing TBM then you may insert 1-3 ml of lime douche 5 minutes or so after bd. Then 1/2 hour after attempt you need to check pH again. If it is high you need to lower it back down to 4-4.5. Check your pH every 1/2 hour up to 4 hours. Then place in a lime tampon.. and leave in for 4 or more hours. The first 4 hours are critical because it takes 4 hours for x sperm to get to the waiting zone. With cut off you need to keep your pH 4-4.5 till confirmed O so check often!
.
Moon theory
Girl- conceived in the “new moon” phase
Boy- conceived in the “full moon” phase
Extra’s
No female orgasm
Missionary position for sex
Husband take HOT bath or shower a few minutes before sex (or have a heating pad heat up his “buddies”)
“Jump and Dump”- go to bathroom and “dump” everything right after sex (not for TBM) See info below as to what JD is.
Abstinence over 7 days is best or under 48 hours.. not between 2-6 days as this favors boys
Dh wear “tighty whities”
The supplements–>–>
Supplements are to decrease cervical mucus pH. Studies show that low pH favors girl conceptions. The goal of the girl diet is to increase calcium and magnesium in the cm and to change pH; the goal of supplements is to change pH and make creamy CM. Here are all the supplements that I have heard of for ttc a girl. Granted there may be more. They key here is for you to find the right ‘recipe’ to make low pH with creamy cm with calicum mixed in- this is the goal. Remember.. it is better to take supplements in liquid form if you can find that because it is more easily absorbed by the body
SUPPLEMENTS
* Supplements amounts listed here are the maximum amount for dw and dh. This isn’t based on weight but more so on safety.
Calcium (1200 mg a day) take from af to O calcium in the cm helps to sway for a girl (cal and Mag ratio has to be 2 to 1)
Magnesium (600 mg a day)take from af to O Mag. in the cm helps to sway for a girl
Folic Acid (450 mcg a day)** you can take more of this if needed and be safe!! Take all the time THIS DOES NOT SWAY! IT PREVENTS BIRTHDEFECTS AND PREVENTS MC
Acidilophis (2 a day) take from af to OThis is taken to lower pH. side effects: this is a funny supplment. Either it will lower your pH dramaticaly or you will raise it. It is different for different people
B6 (100 mg a day) Take all the time, but when you get a bfp you need to ween off slowly- if you take 100 this means the next week you take 80, then the next week 60 then 40, 20, 10 then stop. This is taken to raise progestrone and legthen luteal phase. Side efffects: When taken before O it may dealy O. It will also legthen your luteal phase
Chasteberry (Vitex) (500 mg a day) this is to regulate cycles- do not take if you have regural cycles. Please read this: http://www.in-gender.com/cs/forums/t/50960.aspx
Tums (whenever you think about it- isn’t necessary to take this and calcium since it is the same thing)
Cranberry (total of 1,500 to 10,000 mg a day if possible. This is based on equal to fresh fruit equivalent.. not amount on bottle. This part can be tricky. So, 10,000 ml equivalent to fresh fruit) take from af to O this is taken to lower pH side effect: cranberry can not be taken after O as it can cause mc. Cranberry is a blood thinner so if you already taking a blood thinner do not take this.
Lydia Pinkham (take from af to O) this is taken to raise progestrone and regulate cycles side effect: This will either make your cycles regular or screw them up
Before sex
Sudafed (not pe) real drug name is: pseudoephedrine: (a few hours before sex) this is taken to lower pH and dry up cm
Husband take
Cranberry (as much as he’ll take) side effect: blood thinner.. see above
Any of the other supplements you are taking if he’ll take them except Vitex or Lydia Pinkham. This is listed like this because the amounts are the max alound- weight doesnt matter.
Other supplments:
For prevention of mc these supplements can be taken by the dw. These can be used for ttc a boy or a girl except for baby asprin- its for ttc a girl
Vitamin E-400 iui – this strengthens the outer shell of the egg and helps with implantation–>–>
Folic acid- 800-1000mcg this strengthens the inners part of the egg–>–>
Vitamin B12-150mcg makes folic acid work better (b6 also lengths luteal phase, if you take b6 and get a bfp don’t stop suddenly, rather decrease it slowly)–>–>
Zinc -50mg- this repairs any of the egg that may have been damaged and also helps with implantation. Often I will get confused and say dw can not take zinc. If I post this; it is wrong.. Only dh taking zinc favors boys.–>–>
Baby aspirin- 81mg- This helps with implantation and helps to maintain a pregnancy. It thins the blood
The hardest part is trying to decide what to take.
Optimal pH of cm should be
4-4.5
Optimal pH of dh semen should be
7-7.5 (you can lower this to 4-4.5 with lime once it is outside of dh)
Other tips:–>–>
Lime douche and refresh/replens (see below) are being used to sway for a girl. So is Hot showers for dh and dw (lowers sperm count and lowers pH). Some people are using refresh/replens finger to lower cm pH. This is all based on an environment theory that an acidc one produces girls.. Also Oing will raise female pH so avoid this .For ttc a girl you should use the following products because they have been found to lower female testosterone (which favors boys) Nail polish remove, Nail polish, and anything with Aerosols.
For dh he needs to wear tight fighting underwear. He also should try to get on the girl diet and he needs to lower his semen pH to a 7-7.5. He can lower pH with cranberry supplements. His pH can be changed quickly with these- he should take as much needed the day before bd to achieve low pH . Finally, sperm count is highest in the morning so try to time bd at night.
The Moon–>–>
There is no doubt that the moon can sometimes have and effect on gender if ones body responds to it. Here is the scientific reason behind why this might be and how you can alter that effect if you need to. The theory is that a different sperm have different ions. Now when there is a full moon out it is scientific fact that there are positive ions in the air and we breathe it. When there is a new moon out there are negative ions in the air and you inhaling that as well. The theory is that some peoples bodies react to these ions just like nature does (Google crops and moon, or fish and moon). So when there is a full moon those positive ions cause your egg to have positive ions thus attracting the y sperm. Now if you are O’ing in a full moon you need to try to counteract the effects of the Postive ions. You can do this with running water, air purifires, rock salt deionizers to counteract the effects of a full moon or use magnate therapy using negative ions- polar north, and avoid computers or at least have a fan blowing on you while you are on a computer.
Website full of good info on where to find negavtive ions:
http://www.kiflow.com/info/ions.html
-Info on pH strips and retrieving cm–>–>
Digital pH testers are the best for testing pH. For more info see here: http://www.in-gender.com/cs/forums/t/57805.aspx Then there are two pH strips you want to look for (if not buying digital). Alkalive and full range (also called universal). These are found the cheapest on ebay (search pH strips then select lowest to highest price.) Alkalive can measure between numbers like a 4.75 but can be hard to read so you need a back up. The full range strips will only read one number- no between but they are very easy to read. To see my review of pH strips go here: http://www.in-gender.com/CS/forums/thread/34059.aspx–>–> . More info about digtital pH testers: http://www.in-gender.com/cs/forums/p/41714/383906.aspx#383906
CM pH test strips are read in 15-20 minutes (but don’t read it dry)
Semen pH test strips are read in 1 minute. The reason for the difference is water content.
Digital pH tester the pH is read right away- no waiting
How to retrieve cm….TMI!!! You reach up inside your V and with your finger you touch the cervix. Then you hook your finger and pull out. The cm on the tip of your finger is the one you want to test. The cm closest to your cervix is the most alkaline and the cm on the edges of your v is acidic. Wipe this on the pH strip (or on the digital pH tester wand) and wait for up to 10 minutes (no waiting for digital) depending on how much water is in your cm. If your pH strip doesn’t change and you have tried several times to test pH; this means you have low ionic strength in your cm (which means you NEED a digtal pH tester). Urion pH only tells you how you are doing with your diet and supplements that day- it does not help with swaying besides that.
To test dh pH you have him give a sample in a cup or a condom. Then test that sample with pH strips right away (the longer semen sits out the higher the pH goes and you want to know his initial pH).
The Diva cup:
The Diva cup will increases your chances of becoming pregnant. And it will not effect pH. But here is the tricky part. Every 1/2 hour after attempt you need to remove the cup and test the pH inside your vj and in the cup and lower if necessary. Then place the up back in. You do this up to 4 hour then take the cup out and put in a lime tampon. http://www.in-gender.com/cs/forums/t/50695.aspx
–>–>
Websites:–>–>
Diet that should be followed:
http://www.in-gender.com/cs/forums/t/22952.aspx
What do all these abbreviations mean?!?!?–>–>
http://www.babycenter.com/general/1145946.html–>–>
Douche
–>–>
To help conceive a baby girl use an acidic Douche –>–>
There are 3 douches you can choose from. 7% vinegar/calcium, lime douche and store bought vinegar douche. 7%is most effecteve due to the acetyl radical and acetic acid. Please note: 7% Vinegar has been known to raise the pH in some women instead of lowering it. So please test this out before your attempt. Lime has not had this problem. The following is an explaion of why it is better and how to make it.
7% vinegar/calcium: (pH of 4)
7% vinegar/cal works for TBM is because of 3 reasons: The first is Because the y sperm at low pH’s tails freeze (they don’t like low pH), the second is because at that low pH calcium binding to sperm occurs and the Third is because of acetyl radical and acetic acid . These chemicals play a big part in girl conceptions. Now onto the new step. When you TBM you freeze the tails of the y sperm to give the x sperm a chance to head up. But according to the study, douching an hour before is Critical for this to work. 1/2 hour the freezing stops and the y sperm start to swim again.
First according to the study, douching an hour before is Critical for this to work. Then the new step for ttc a girl starts a ½ hour after bd or tbm. After having your hips elevated for ½ hour take a mixture of vinegar and distilled water and place and insert 3-4 ml it into the vj. Keep checking for up to 4 hours, then take a soaked tampon and place it in there to prevent leakage- you can remove thislater. The following is explanation on how to make the mix, the tampon, and other info. DO NOT USE THIS FOR PLACING DIRECTION INTO SPERM (TBM). Only lime juice (not the douche) can be used to lower semen pH directly.
*For the mix you want this to have a pH of 4 The study this is based on uses vinegar.
*To make a soaked tampon you put juice of choice in a plastic cup and soak the tampon while still in the plastic applicator. Right before inserting take the tampon out so that it isn’t dripping. Then you insert it while still lying down and leave it in..
More info on this found here:
http://www.in-gender.com/CS/forums/t/17458.aspx?PageIndex=1
and here (this link will tell you how to make distilled water)
http://www.in-gender.com/CS/forums/t/16792.aspx
How to make 7% vinegar:
http://www.in-gender.com/CS/forums/t/18099.aspx?PageIndex=2
Lime douche: (pH of 2)
- Mix one part lime to two parts water- test pH. If it isn’t low enough mix one to one.
- Let the solution stand for approximately 10 minutes. –>–>
- One hour before intercourse stir the solution again then insert some of the solution into the vagina (This can be done with a douche or a syringe ~ both available at pharmacies). –>–>
- While inserted, empty the douche or syringe slowly and gently preferably while lying down to ensure maximum effect. –>–>
DOUCHING
A few hours before sex
Vinegar and water (pH of 4) (4 parts water to 1 part vinegar)
Lemon and water (pH of 2)(equal parts water and lemon)
Lime and water (pH of 2) (same)
Replens or Rephresh vaginal moisturizer (every three days or every other dayonly and only a fingertip full- not the entire applicator!) You can also use this in place of douche 2 hours before attatmp (but not the entire applicator)
How to douche: The hour before you can either use a store bought douche bag or a big syringe (12+ml). Let is run out and wash away ewcm. The 1/2 hour after follow up douches is only 1-3ml. This follow up douches are ment to just lower pH. You do not need to douche an hour before if you have a pH of 4-4.5 and no ewcm.
No matter what your plan.. 1/2 hour after BD you should insert follow up douche into your vj and don’t let it out This isn’t a douche- but rather a mix you insert to freeze the y sperm and to give the x sperm a better chance. Then keep cheking every 1/2 hour up to 4 hours.
Refresh and Replens
Replens: pH 2.8
Rephresh: pH 4-5
Replens is now used for replens finger. Rephresh is used as a lube.. HOWEVER if your pH is already a pH less than 5 do not use replens, use rephresh for replens finger..you can use rephresh as a lube when bd as it has the right actic acids for ttc a girl. But this wont sway by itself.. you still need everything else. rephresh has a pH of 5 you want the pH to be 4-4.5. The higher your pH the higher the pH of rephresh will be as it is a reactive lube. where as replens is always a pH of 2 point somthing PLEASE TRY THIS A HEAD OF TIME TO SEE HOW IT EFFECTS YOUR pH!! For some women they will raise pH. For the 1/2 hour after attempt if you want to lower pH with with this you need to use rephresh; not replens.
*If you use Aci-jel, then use it just like replens. Fine more info here
Replens finger. This is for women who want to lower pH the days before bd time.. Every other day bd make sure your hands are clean and then you dip your finger in replens or refresh. Then, sit down on the toilet and insert your finger with refresh and pull out. If tested right away your cm should go from high to low (7 to 4-4.5) and stay that way for a long time. . You woud use this every other day to lower your pH.
LUBE
If you need lube ttc a girl you have two choices. Either Rephresh (please read above) or canola oil. Lubes do not sway well for a girl on there own. You need to do everything else as well. Lube is just to help you bd.
Canola oil has a pH of 6.83 but it is an oil can can not sway. You can use canola oil right before your attempt to help you to get pregnant however some women’s pH will raise become of this. So you NEED to check pH every 1/2 hour up to 4 hours and lower if necessary.
Finally there is a thread called ‘At Home High Tech’ which takes swaying a step further into ‘at home sperm sorting using TBM, Swim Up, or GDC. It can all be found here:
So as of December 23, 2008, I am at non-pregnancy hormone levels according to my hcg blood results.
Great, no more of them taking my blood, that is until I get pregnant again. I hate going back and forth over there to that hospital/medical center. You know how much they charge for parking???? $11–isn’t that outrageous. And you would think why don’t you just park somewhere on the street, but let me tell you something this medical center belongs to one of the largest University systems in the U.S. so you know they try to make their money and they will get their money. It’s good for me because I actually went to my closest hospital near my home last week because I was told to go into ER due to some chest pains I had.
That place was so ghetto! I will never go there as a place of choice. It smelled bad and everything. I would never want to deliver a child at that place. Although the doctors are very professional over there, you wouldn’t want to have to be in any of the waiting areas because some of the patients, or the patients’ family and friends are outrageous. As soon as I arrived to ER their were three girls trying to sneak in to the Triage center. But the woman at the door was very direct telling them that they needed to get security if it the issue was as big as they were making it because she was not authorized to let anyone in there if their name had not been called.
According to the image above its been 2 months, 2 weeks and 2 days since our baby has gone to heaven. 2/2/2, just like the date we found out that we were pregnant 8/8/08. Maybe we should ttc again after its been 8 months, 8 weeks and 8 days. The only thing is that it won’t tell us that way because weeks only go up to about 3 weeks if I am not mistaken on this ticker.
Out in cyberworld I find pregnant women. Oh how I want to be pregnant again and carry to full term, but I am also kind of scared to be because my son is now at a full functioning age. I am going to have to start all over. Carrying the baby and all, the baby is going to be so dependent. I think I am no longer afraid to study Computer Science either. What the heck was wrong with me before? I could have done it while I was pregnant with my son nearly 10 years ago, right?!?
Well that’s a long time to go back into that, but I know that I love math. I really like kids, but I don’t like to work with them all day. I just do it so that I can be with my son when he gets out of school. I know what my son is doing after school, do you???? Well, what will I do if I did study computer science and got a job. I don’t think I would get a job. I would just be a tech person. I am already an independent graphic designer, just no clientele. I probably could build my clients better if I could fix their computers too, and could do website programming and other programs. Well we will see what will happen. I am still trying to see if I have enough money to finish this MA that I am working on that I might be able to actually make money with one day, but I don’t know. I want to just be the Math geek that I am and charge people to help them.
That’s enough for now.
Dear Lord,
I thank You for blessing me with my life and the fact that I am fertile right now. It would be great to add to the family now, but I have patience to wait for results of my hcg tests. I have to take them over on Monday. Lord, I pray that the budget situation is fixed without affecting me and the healthcare as much. If it does I may have to leave my job or wait until November 2009 to TTC again so that I can opt out of my healthcare plan so that my husband’s will be the primary. I pray that you protect me from myself with these control issues because its beginning to take a toll on my health. Lord, please help me to submit to Your will and submit to my husband.
In Jesus’ holy name,
Amen.
Okay this marriage thing isn’t easy. If it isn’t me that is messed up in the head then I am having problems with my dh. He is totally on one. He is very upset because he thinks I said something else when I know I said what I said because there was no reason for me to say something different. I mean how can we get into a serious battle over semantics? wtf? I don’t get this thing and the fact that he is so upset about it is starting to make me not respect him because I feel like he is not caring for the marriage. We would have had a lovely evening if it were not for semantics.
I have noticed lately that the issue that is messing up my life is this thing that I have with trying to control everything. I have always been a jealous person and I realized this morning that this jealousy is coming from wanting to control again. Why? My husband said that control could not have happened while living with my grandparents, but I beg to differ because I have been a jealous person for a long time, longer than before I left my grandparents’ house.
This is a problem that needs to be conquered but the real problem with it is the fact that I am trying to control my control. This is really serious and I don’t know if I am the one that is supposed to be figuring it out myself. I am tired of these cycles that I go through and I am not sure if a small time in therapy will do it. I am starting this written material so that I can have record of this because every-time that I think about going to therapy, I change my mind because I think that there is no reason to do so.
Some examples of what I try to control:
• When my husband and I will have a baby again and how many babies we will have together before I get in the late 30′s.
• Jealousy over my husband concerning any kind of woman contact when I know that he loves me and there is no reason to. I had actually conquered some of this jealousy when we first got together and got married, but it has unfortunately returned.
• I am trying to fix a weight problem and tone up my body as well. I have gotten involved with learning diets and want to fix my problem with overeating. I come up with the idea of how “I will do” this or that.
• I try to control my career life in some kind of manner. But to tell you the truth, I kind of gave up on what I can do with that when I had my child. I would have continued in Engineering had I not ever gotten pregnant at such a young age. Having a child has made me think in my mind that such a pursuit is no longer attainable because of the devotion of time that it takes to be a mother. Now I am a wife and its definitely out of the question. Well, maybe that’s what my control is saying.
I think I have found some help with issue #3 reading this excerpt online written by a close friend of mine. Hopefully it will help in all the other areas that I am trying to control. I need Jesus now more than ever to lead me into His light so that I can stop trying to do everything myself and messing around on the Lord’s plans by trying to do what I want to get done. He is the ultimate One who’s will will be done, not mine.
A whole lot can happen within 24 hours and sometimes even less than that amount of time. I believe that God has sent me a message of learning to be grateful in difficult circumstances. I knew I was screwing up with all the complaining that I was doing. I asked God to help me to not be this way, there are so many things happening across the country and the world for that matter right about now.
I listened to this song, the lyrics were,
What do you do when you just don’t understand, when you just cannot explain, what do you say when you don’t have the answers-through it all keep on trusting God.
What do you do when words can’t ease the pain. What do you do when you wake up and the situation is still the same, seems like it won’t get any better, What do you do when life questions your faith and all the dreams that you had seems like they’re drifting away? It takes all of your strength just to make it through the day- What do you do when you cried all you can cry, when you have to wear a smile, when you hurt deep inside, what do you do when there’s no one to call- through it all keep on trusting God. Yet will I trust Him.
What a powerful song when going through! It is encouraging to know that God has my back. My sister (not the prego one) told me that she will be losing her job because of her criminal record. That hurt me because of all the complaining that I was doing about my job. At least I have a job, right? There are so many people unemployed right now and I was complaining about my job. She is a single mother with 2 kids to support. My family needs my husband’s job more than mine. If he lost his, I would have to find a second job if he couldnt find any work. I get paid only once a month, he gets paid every week. Bills would really come due compared to my jobless summers. We don’t have savings because we are past due and trying to catch up.
It’s just bad all over but I can still trust God and be grateful that I have a husband who loves me. This woman came up to my job today to be part of a presentation for World AIDS day. She lived a hard life in foster care but fought to make it in the world to become a teacher, and met this man who she didnt pay that much attention to at first. He pursued her and she finally came around. She had sex with only one man before him and used condoms with that guy. When her lover asked her to marry him, she said yes. During their engagement he put up a big trip asking her why she would always use condoms with him, did she truly love him, was there someone else. He laid a big guilt trip on her. So she said, why not? And did it and got really sick not knowing what was going on with herself. She believed in wholistic medicine and not Western medicine and so she wondered why she was getting so sick. Well she ended up getting lumps under her chin and so she finally went to the doctor. When going back for test results, she saw the concerned look on the doctor’s face. She asked, is it cancer and these are big tumors? The doctor told her that she had an extremely low T-cell count and that she had AIDS.
She contacted her fiance to let him know because she thought if he had given it to her, then he probably did not know. But he did, he told her that’s why they would be together forever because he gave her what he had and that he had enough money to take care the both of them until they died.
This terrified her, the man that she was set to marry put out a death sentence on her life. She left him because she knew that he could not love her if he tried to kill her. She has been living with AIDS for over 12 years now, she took out each bottle of pills that she has to take everyday and talked about the side effects and how you have to take them. She takes 27 pills daily. And she still has purpose, which is teaching prevention so that others may be aware and not make mistakes in being uncareful when they have sex.
If she can take all those pills everyday and make it to work, what the heck am I complaining about? My life is peaches and cream compared to hers. I should be able to walk out of my house each morning with a big grin on my face ready to stand in the armor of God. This is a day where I have had a paradigm shift, truly.
I have become quite a little complainer as of late and it is getting to me really bad. I mean I feel like everything and everyone around me is wrong. Something is wrong with everything. When this starts to happen its time to take a look at yourself. But it is hard to look at yourself objectively if you know what I mean. So I have to have a real one-on-one conversation with the Father. My Lord knows me better than I know myself and I feel so stuck right now inside of this mode that I have been in. I want to get out and let the fresh part of me make it but I feel so trapped by my own yearnings to control. I feel like I can’t escape her, but I know that God will make a way for me to get away from this flesh.
The reason that I know it is me is because for one, I knew that it was time to leave one of my last positions in employment because I was so unfocused because I was given so much freedom to do what I could do. I knew of myself as a very hard worker, but when I was left with little supervision, I messed it up. I was not caught in the act, but I felt very uncomfortable, because I could not control myself and what I was doing and I knew I would surely make a mistake, so I changed industries. Now come to find out, I am somewhat miserable at my current place of employment because I don’t get paid enough and I don’t work summers and there is too much personal liability involved at this job. There is no way to keep working here without so much stress. But I like it because I get to be with my son as soon as he gets off from school. But I have reasoned with myself about finding another job. Oh, working an extra two hours can mean only 3 more hours that I won’t see my son each day. I don’t do that much with him when we get home. But is that what I really want? What happens when he gets to Middle School and starts wanting to do things with other kids, will I be there to protect him or keep a watchful eye on him. This is the only reason why I like my job is because of the schedule. But I truly need more money. I don’t truly feel so Christian because each summer I get backed up with bills and I cannot pay them. My plan this year was to have them all paid off by the end of October and here it is December and I am worried that we won’t be able to make some regular payments this month. This is a disaster for me. I want to be able to supply financially everything that is owed to anybody. Utilities, Rent, Car Loans, Insurance, you name it. It is nothing more frustrating than having bill collectors call and you know that you can’t make an arrangement because you are trying to catch up with all your bills and you know you have to eat and take care of your family, transportation to work and school.
I guess a lot of people are feeling this crunch right now. But to tell you the truth, its been like this since I graduated college. I wanted some kind of time to shine, but I started off working at a company that paid a little over minimum wage and I worked that job, so when I got the job with less supervision, I really milked it for what I wanted, but then I had the Holy Spirit telling me it wasn’t right. I asked for help, and was given a new job position. But I just realized that I still have this same problem, because I am doing the same things in my life. I am not good at supervising it.
I made a plan today to look up some things on detoxing, and my flesh wanted more to lay down and watch television than to do what may be a better thing for me and my body. It was a personal goal and I did away with it for some lazy activity. I think I do this because when my husband is not around the television is free and I think, “Hey now I can watch some of the shows that I have on the DVR”, but the thing about it is that I don’t accomplish my true goals.
I have a hard time doing things around the house when my husband is home. I mean, I can cook when he’s there, but that took some time to grow into. But I still have a problem with cleaning when he is around, with setting true goals and making them happen. I feel like a lot of times he just wants me to come to the living room and watch television with him, and I desire to do something else that will elevate, but I feel embarrassed about having that mindset and he doesn’t. But he may actually have it and may be having a hard time tearing himself away from TV as well. Who knows? But I need to fix this problem. There I go again trying to control everything. I have to keep on trusting God on this one.
Where have I been?, you ask. Well I don’t really know. I am fine and everything is well, but I don’t seem to have the time to come here and write with my life being the way that it is. I started a post the other day as a draft but have yet to finish it. My memories were really jumbled all together and it was not sounding right to me and I am sure someone reading it may get a little lost in my jumbled thoughts. I want to finish it though because it is important for my well being. So what am I hoping for? Well truly, I want to get fear out of my life and I want the ways of my life to truly be that I think of how God thinks of me and His love for me. A lot of times I think my relationship with the Lord is hindered because I want to think that He is so upset or disappointed with me, its like I forget that relationship with me is what He longs for and that’s why He truly sent His only begotten Son to save me. Why do I forget this? Why is my focus so much about how man has made the outlook of God. Man is so wrong. I have to learn to detach myself from this paradigm and run with who God really is. I’ll catch up with you all later.
I found this new site for babies! You can keep your family update with photos and journaling. It’s better than blogging because everything on there is updated for baby in an orderly manner. Here’s the link to our future bundle of joy’s site: http://sites.bundleofjoys.com/stokes/
If you want your own, I’m sure you can figure out how to start one, by going from the link I provided. Have a great week!
First, I started this blog with the intention of being able to release my emotionally off-side, but I have found that I really don’t have that much time to get away to come here to this blog. I don’t live a Wall Street business life, but I still feel like I am busy all the time. I get really emotional over rejection and I try to stop myself, but the negative words keep coming to myself stopping me. The words that come inside my head try to trap me. I know that they are not true so I try my best not to listen to them. In church, I’ve heard that this is the enemy, but a lot of the times I think that its my old self trying to stop or make my current self quit while she’s ahead. One setback here, another setback there. Two steps forward, five steps backwards….all it ever says back to me on those backwards falls, is “failure, failure, failure—you are such a failure, Hope”
URGHHHHHHHHHH!
I am tired of it. I have decided to get my life back in order. I noticed that I can create things and do things and that I do not have to reactive to the world around me. Just recently I planned a birthday party for my son, with no help from anyone. I was quite weary about it actually coming to pass. This right here should have told me what has happened to mindset within the last couple of years. I used to have no problems with setting goals and making it happen, seeing it come to past, but I think lately, that voice in my head got a little too loud and I have been feeling like I can’t conquer anything. I can’t make anything happen. Well when this party actually happened, and there wasn’t a bad outcome like I thought it would be, I felt like I can still do this. I can make something out of my own ideas and it will happen. It doesn’t even take much, just a little determination and work.
I am starting up ”The 7 Habit of Highly Effective People” by Stephen Covey again. I have tried to start several times but have never gotten past the “Private Victory” in reading it, and Habit #4, “Think Win/Win” off of the CD. I have decided that this will be my motivation while driving now. No more political talk shows since the election is over, they are a little overzealous for me and I get mad or gang up on somebody attitudes when I listen to those shows. They should definately be listened to in moderation….like once a week or once every two weeks. Anyway, I am excited about trying this again. I hope that this time I will make it through because other times, I just stop. I want to get through this, this time around and I am really hoping for a character transformation in the process. God is still sustaining me and getting back on track. I’ll be running when 2009 hits!
Not literally! LOL!
I love that my butt is clean! Hehe!
What I really mean is, I want to be preggers again and
actually have the baby this time around.
I got ‘cha there, huh—you thought that I wanted to be all nasty-and-dirty-smelling-like-wtf???
I just saw an old friend yesterday. When I met her, she had been married a year and I was getting married in a month, and she offered me her wedding dress and all. We were the same size. Anyway, I haven’t seen her in awhile and yesterday when I saw her, she had a baby boy with her. Her first son. He was so little and tiny. She told me that he was two months. Wow, I remember that. I was looking at my son yesterday and he is almost my height. I can no longer treat him like he is a little 18 month old, squeezing his cheeks…basically because his cheeks aren’t fat like they used to be. I want another one. Yes, it sounds like I am trying to get a pet or some kind of toy the way I am saying it. Parenting is a huge responsibility and with me having to pay for school out of pocket next semester, money isn’t something that will be flowing, if you get what I mean.
I just thought that I would write this today, It has been a month and three days since my D&C, and I feel like I am healed from the emotional part and want to try again.
