I don’t know if I ever loved my “husband”. Because I was re-reading over my blog entries from around the time right before the fake marriage and after and it seems like I was always searching for me, and couldn’t really find me because I was too involved with thinking about being with him???? But once we got married and moved in, I kept trying to figure out my path. He had known his and was waiting for me, but now that I am figuring that I don’t see him in it, what will this be??? I don’t know this is a trip and the fact that the marriage is null/void is making the whole issue crazier. I am going to talk to him about staying for my sister as I pray for clarity here.

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